So I promised you a book not too long ago. Well, it is NOT finished just yet. You can thank the 1/perfectionist in me for this opportunity to practice even more patience! I do promise to R.A.W.k your world with what I have been working on though, and I cherish your ongoing support!
In other news, I did fulfill on a different challenge. And that is I found my brother, Nicky, who I have not seen in 26 years. I will share a few details, but what I want you to know is that when I saw the picture of my brother, there was no doubt in my mind that it was him and also that there had been distinct things that had led me to finding him, this community included.
Surrendering Judgment and Honoring FAMILY
Today I visited my mother. I knew that I would be sharing the news with her. But first I wanted to Listen to her. I intended to discover THE KEYNOTE upon which to deliver the information. I waited patiently, while I listened to her relay the dramatic details of me and my twin sister's life story. Two hours in, I finally said, "Ok, well, now I wanted to tell you something." Her ears perked up and she exclaimed, "OK! What is it?!"
I said: "I found Nicky, Mom. He's living in TX and has a kid." She said, "You did. How do you know? Why didn't you say something sooner?!! This important!"
"I found a picture of him on the internet," I replied. I asked her if she wanted to see it. She said, "Yes!" I got my laptop out and pulled up the picture. She looked at it for a few seconds and said, "No. I don't think that him." I said, "But mom, I'm certain it's him. Look at his eyes..." She immediately said, "I'll pray to my father later, but I don't feel anything when I look at that picture."
"Well, I also showed it to Dad, and he confirmed that it was him too, mom." She said, "Well, maybe it could be him."
I pulled up a picture of Nicky when he was younger so she could compare. "See. Look at the eyes, the nose, and his lips...the way they curl at the cor..." She interrupted and hesitantly said, "Yeah, that look like him, but I don't think it him, Vicky." And she stepped back from the computer. I said,"But just look at it."
"No, I don't think that him! I feel nothing when I look at that picture!" She insisted. I could tell she was beginning to feel pushed.
I stopped. "Ok, mom." I said calmly. It was not a matter of being right.
She looked me in the eyes and said, "Thanks for trying."
"You're welcome," I replied.
At that point, there was 15 minutes until her "show." My mother has been watching the soap opera, Days of Our Lives, religiously since she came to America from Vietnam in 1975. She says that it's the reason she learned to speak English so good. I also wonder if it's contributed to her relating to life as a series of dramatic episodes that never quite get resolved.
In any event, I felt special that she invited me to watch it with her instead of shooing me out. I sensed she was enjoying my company.
I sat down on the couch she's had for 20 years that is still in pristine condition, and watched while she gave me background on every character and what she thought was going to happen. "I have feeling they going get together. You know why? Because he have money and she pretty. Her last boyfriend have no money. He so stupid..."
One thing I love about my mom is that she doesn't mind if you laugh at her. In fact, laugh all you want, just DO NOT try to shush her or she will ROAR. Anyway, she was cracking me up, and she was happy to amuse me! When I left, I felt alive, centered and present to my breath and my Stand. I don't need to get carried away with the judgments "about" her. My commitment is to love her...whatever that looks like.
I choose my mother and respect her world~view. I don't feel that I sold out in the moment. What I did do was Listen for Family. To her, that picture wasn't Nicky. And she was right. It was actually just a picture on a computer screen.
I, on the otherhand, have no doubt that my brother is alive and well. I will give more details as the story unfolds, but for now, this is it. I am, complete. "We Family!"