In response to my last blog, Victoria Moon asked a very important question regarding what “happened” after my last bodybuilding contest. Soon after my last competition I knew I had to begin to attend OA meetings when I could not stop eating. It was really frightening. I knew for some time that I had an eating disorder, but I was able to "control" my very strict bodybuilders diet for about three years, falling “off the wagon” harder and harder after each show. The good ol’ “yo-yo diet.”
Since attending Overeaters Anonymous meetings, upping my prayer and meditation, and reaching out to folks in the program and beyond, I've been able to moderate my food portions. Taking out the sugar is the next step. I'm also working towards three meals and a snack as my food plan right now.
I often work long hours with only short breaks, so I have prepare food in advance like many of us do. After three years of cooking every single meal myself and cleaning up afterwards, I got completely burned out on cooking. I have just now gotten the urge to cook again. I’ve learned some great raw recipes and I incorporate them into my “standard American diet.”
I’ve always used sugar as a reward for just about anything that is challenging to me, especially a hard day at work. Sometimes when I am scared I won’t make it through the day I crave some sort of chocolate protein bar as a reward and to hold me over. Today as I type this, the thought of eating that does not sound appealing. I am so thankful for this. After only a few days of removing sugar from my diet the cravings for junky sugar have subsided. The next challenge is to not crave dark chocolate, one of my favorites! I’ll re-incorporate raw chocolate into my diet after 30 days and see how that goes. If I eat raw chocolate compulsively, I’ll take it back out of my diet. For my birthday, a friend will be making me a raw pumpkin pie. I look forward to that treat!
Perhaps the biggest and best treat that I am giving myself today is the permission to heal.
All the Best,